lynette qian

2010-05-18T13:49:00.000+08:00

I've moved!!

lynetteqian.livejournal.com :)

2010-05-14T09:59:00.001+08:00

I'm thinking of moving, moving to livejournal. So that I can leave some post really private. So private that it is meant for myself. Yea. Maybe I should.

2010-05-05T13:27:00.002+08:00

Saw someone who looked like my ex or maybe it was him at yishun on Monday.

Like WTF?! So my taste was that lousy in the past?! Someone please kill me. I'm too ashamed to live on this land. I can't believed that I dated someone like him in the past! Gosh! Embarassing ttm x infinity!!!

Thank God everything is over! At least I am dating someone who is not bad now?! :/ Haha!

<3 you baby!

Yeah. I am going to put everything behind and start anew. I won't think bout you and those memories that you once gave me. They are worthless shit! I don't need it anymore! Maybe I should learn from Kel, selective amnesia! No. I won't hate you. Nor will I dislike you, I will be neutral towards you. Okay. I will try to be neutral towards you. Keyword: TRY. Andee said that things that you can't have are the best. Nope. Why would I want to treasure something that I can't own. I would rather treasure the ones that I have now, that is WINSON LEOW!! <3 I will love you with all my heart and be a nice girlfriend to you baby!

But still, I will be happy if you broke up with her! Haha! Piss off la you!

2010-05-04T23:26:00.002+08:00

Everyone is right. You are not oblige to tell me anything. So be it then. But, let me say this. I'm not jealous. Thanks.

Bye.

Anyway, went for the job interview yesterday. Everything went well, they let me consider whether I wanna take up the job or not. So now, I just wait for the uni's reply and I'm joining them as a volunteer for the time being! :)

Anyone wanna join me? It's time that we give a little bit back to the society! <3

2010-05-02T12:52:00.002+08:00

Love him with all your heart and please stop saying that you don't love him enough. All the sacrifices that you've made just proved one thing, you really do love him.

Bye.

2010-05-01T23:07:00.003+08:00

My mind is in a mess now. What? You are back? Since when?

All this while I was worried for you and now you are back? You didn't say anything. I only saw it through your fb.

I don't know what to say or react. Just shocked. Seems like you've changed. So much so that I don't even know whether I really do know you and that you are my friend for so many years. Speechless and flabbergasted.

Never mind. You seem happy and blessed. Then I truly wish you all the best. I shan't worry too much about you from now on. Since you have found your happiness and willing to love him wholeheartedly. Then, take care.

Bye.

2010-05-01T17:42:00.002+08:00

I'm tired of waiting. Waiting for a reply in return that will sadden me. So what's the point? I've made up my mind, I'm gonna work. Till next year, I shall enroll in unisim to do either counselling or social work.

I've sent my resume to the spastic association and I'm going for my interview this coming Monday. Goodbye NUS, NTU and SMU. Who do not want to enter a local university? I do, I really do. I always dreamt of myself doing a course in one of the local unis, preferably NUS. But, when everything goes wrong and you know you can't admit into the uni that you want, you have to look for a second route, a plan B. And that's what I'm doing now.

Mum is a bit unwilling but in the end, she gave me the freedom to choose my path and just don't regret. It was a tough decision, but what can I do since in the first place I did not treasure the second chance that was give to me? Serve me right.

2010-04-25T17:24:00.002+08:00

Is it that difficult to just sacrifice a bit for me? Is it? Maybe it is. Then let's end it. Maybe we started out wrongly, hence Im so dependent on you and have to see you almost everyday and still can't get enough of you.

Thank you for all the memories that you've given me, be it good or bad. It seems that many problems start to surface after the 'gift-exchange' day. We seems to have fights and quarrels more often lately.

I will learn. Learn not to love someone so much and depend on someone so much. For it will be harder for me to let go.

Anyone wants to celebrate my new single life with me? We could party all night! Drink, smoke, dance and even... for all we want.

2010-04-24T22:29:00.003+08:00

1 month break, am I able to take it? Never mind, since a decision has already been made between you and I. Usually they said whenever there is the cool off period in a relationship, the ending will most probably be a break up. Hopefully, we do not have to end up this way.

The decision was made over the phone. If it was being discussed face to face, I know I will not be able to make the decision. Hug me and I'm willing to forget about all those mistakes and wrongs that either one of us has made. You know my heart will go soft whenever I see you eye to eys. I'm so unwilling to let you go despite the constant fights and quarrels we have recently, but since the decision was made, then never mind. Maybe this is a test for us, to let me know whether I still truly love you or it is just a habit to have you by my side. But I do hope it's the former. I never once love you less.

Got this from Kel's blog which I find it really true. 'A woman who truly loves you will be angry with you for so many things but will still stick around.' Whereas, 'A man who truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is.' But I'm doubting the latter. If the man truly loves you, maybe he might want to let you go because he knew that the situation is really THAT bad and does not want you to suffer? I don't know. Tell me it's wrong. Cause you are willing to let me go, does that means that you do not truly loves me?

I think it's partly my fault that our relationship turns out to be this way. Since I'm the unreasonable one and also the temperament one. Everyone told me that you are a nice guy and I know it myself. Maybe cause you are too nice to me that I tend to take it for granted and let things ended up this way.

What are you doing now? No text, no call. True, it's a cool off period. So by right I should expect none of it. But why is it that it seems something is missing without you by my side and with no text or call to tell me how much you miss me?

2010-04-22T10:17:00.002+08:00

Mum's decision is final and no other feedbacks or comments will be entertained. Which I found it glad, like really really glad. For I don't see the need to. Ok never mind. Just please don't come an disturb me again k? Just wanna throw all these behind and lead my not-so-happy and not-so-peaceful life. Thank you very much!

Everyone is getting a lappy! Even baby is getting one! When's mine?! Haiz. Stupid unis! They don't want me! And I also don't feel like retaking A again, I'm willing to forfeit half of $558.50 that I paid. I got a job offer, a full time job. The job is hard and it pay fairly. But at least it has bonus, 6th n 12th month bonus and also a 3rd month bonus based on performance. It is a training officer at Singapore spalstic (or however u spelled it) association. At least with this job, I can take up social work or counselling next yr at UniSIM. but, mum's reaction is like... Forget it.

But if I worked there, maybe I can get a laptop? Hee hee! I think I'm mad - willing to do all sort of things just to get my hands on the laptop! Kill me! But actually, this job is a really good stepping stone for me to get into uniSIM. I don't know. Haiz! Stupid local unis! They took like forever to get back to you. If you want to reject us, tell us straight! Like WTF?! Now you are like making us wait forever an all our plans have to put on hold. Let's say if I got ur rejection letters and I can jollywell take up the job and continue with my life! Now I'm fucking stuck in between! CBKNN!!

2010-04-17T22:50:00.002+08:00

Why must you call? Why must you disrupt my peaceful life? Don't you know the rules? Once given away, don't bother to ask how it is doing today and that you want to see it one last time! No! You can't. In the first place, since you have decided to give it away you should have see this coming and prepare to part with it for the rest of your life.

I might be mean but no, I don't see the need to go back and go through this ordeal. It is too much right from the start. The lady is innocent for all she wants is to see her one last time. But sorry, no. You should have known the answer when you called. Curse and swear for all you want. I've done my best already. Please don't push me any further. Don't make me into a really heartless person.

2010-04-15T17:41:00.003+08:00

I like Dads who bring their children to the garden to play even without the mom's company.
I like Dads who play with their children n do silly things with them, like hide n seek or even catching.
I like Dads who piggyback their children.
I like Dads who carry their children, instead of the mom.

Will u?

2010-04-14T12:17:00.002+08:00

Went to had steak with winson last Sunday. It was nice! But it also burnt a hole in our wallet. We ordered two steaks and two drinks and it costed us $81++. I almost die. Ok! Shall try to order something cheaper next time round. xP

I want to quit my job!! Why didn't the Minds school call me? You guys called me the other time, but why not this time round? Please don't bear grudges! I didn't mean to reject the offer the other time round! It's cause, cause YOUR HR IS SUPER SLOW!! I waited and waited and you guys finally called when I accepted the job in botanic gardens! :(

I'm broke! Just after getting my pay for 1week! I should really kill myself a zillion times! What have I done? And I still haven't pay my phone bill of $92!! I was so happy shopping that I forgot tht I still have my phonebill to pay. Well done! Anyw, I went f21 and bought 2 blouses and a dress and a blouse from zara. Ok la, at least I chose those cheap ones, so in total I only spent bout $100. I can now only wait for next month's pay then I can go SHOPPING again! Mwahaha!!

2010-04-09T17:56:00.002+08:00

I think whatever that happened at work made me feel so... I don't know. The feeling suck. It seems that the people around are not as friendly as they seem to be. Everyone have a hidden weapon which is out to kill you when you are not noticing.

I want to leave my job. But I know I can't. Cause I will never be accepted to a university. Never and that's the keyword.

Why is everyone wearing a mask? Please remove it, can you? I'm really greatly affected by this. Are they innocent? Nobody knows, except for themselves. Still, I don't think there is a need to terminate them without any trial. This thing will sure spread and you can't keep a fire wrapped under paper for long. Why must you blame others for spreading it without clarifying the whole thing? Even we don't say, so will others. But the thing is, why? Why so vicious? Using others to kick away those people you do not like?

This whole incident had transformed into a complicating issue. And involved so many people, innocent people.

The garden is not a good place to work at. The environment is nice but not the human environment. Everyone is cunning.

Please please please. Don't make me into one of them.

2010-04-07T14:10:00.002+08:00

Oh, just ignore that entry underneath this.

Urgh! Guess I won't be able to leave him for good! But that doesn't mean you could take me for granted! Yes, you! I know you do read my blog from time to time. Make me disappointed again, and I will be gone for good! No matter what you text me or even appearing at my doorstep will help! Get it?!

For umpteen times, I've raised the topic of breaking up. For umpteen times, he managed to pull me back. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I feel such a loser.

Anyw, mum said some people have received the uni acceptance letters. Guess I won't be receiving any! HAHA! Maybe I will, rejection letters(if any)! F me ttm! Feel so fucking failure la! Hohoho! Have to retake A levels again n I seriously don't have the motivation to do it, despite I've paid that lump sum of $558.50 for the retake. Fucking taking 4yrs to complete an A level course which others only took 2-3years! I'm loser ttm! LYNETTE NG IS A LOSER TTM!! Hohoho!

2010-04-06T14:08:00.003+08:00

I think liars should die, so should I! Since I'm one too.

Fuck! I had enough of everything alr! How many times have u promised that u will not lie to me? And how many times have u broke that promise! Fuck! I'm damn fucking tired of everything!

Stay in your comfort zone for all you care! Tired? Then don't work! You can forever stay in your room and sleep and rest for all you want! From now on, you can start making all your plans without me in it and I will do so as well!

Stupid big fat liar! And I hate you to the max!!! Fuck off for good!

From now on, you are not part of me! Smoke all I want and club all I want and you better shut up! You should know the consequences the moment you decided to break your promises and fucking lie to me!

Knncb!

2010-03-13T23:09:00.005+08:00

她和他的故事.

Why did you lie to her? Don't like her? You can just say it out, tell her the truth. She was naive enough to believe you. All the things that you fabricated, she believed it and love you with all her heart. A love that she holds on for so long, for 4years. Okay, maybe not love but rather, like. But still! You should not have lied to her! You've moved on, way faster than her, when she was still naively waiting for you. I wonder where is your conscious.

'i will never go out with a girl that is younger than my sis. She was born on 5th January 1990, a day younger than her also can't '
FUCK! YOUR SIS IS NOT BORN ON THAT DAY! AND NOW? YOU ARE DATING WITH A GIRL WHO IS YOUNGER THAN YOUR SIS!

'No. I don't have a gf.'
FUCK! You had one! Do you know that she was so sad that day? When she saw you fetching your gf home? She just wished that she could just disappeared into the thin air. You could jollywell told her that very day when she bumped into you while you were waiting for your gf. BUT YOU DIDN'T! Everytime she was so scared to bump into you and your gf. Saw you guys at the train station and had to hide and pretended not to see you guys.

'Oh! Could you just tell her to stop contacting me? I don't want to give her a wrong impression and think that I like her.'
FUCK! Who was the one always contacting the other one? You should know the answers well. Who was the one who always call her in the middle of the night when he couldn't find anyone to talk to? She was (dumb)enough to answer your call and chatted with you, despite there was no conversations at time, she was still willing to hold on to the phone and companied you. She always waited for you to initiate to put down the phone. She feared that she might disappoint you and then you had no one to talk to, if she initiated it first. Feeling hungry in the middle of the night? She was willing to sacrifice her sleep and the consequences of sneaking out of the house to just company you to eat supper. Sleep was so important to her, especially when she was always caught dozing off to sleep in class, but she just so willing to give it up for the sake of you. Who was the one who called to her house looking for her when she was away for a school trip? Who was the one who contacted her when she returned? Who was the one who asked her out for a movie? You! You! You! Everything was initiated by you!

Where is your conscious? Maybe you didn't have one, then. You were happily using her especially when you were feeling bored and lonely. Maybe it was not totally your fault as well. She was dumb and a fool as well. Dumb and foolish enough to be used by you and thought that heaven is kind enough to her by sending you to her side and thought that you were sincered about everything. She was wrong, so wrong.

You have moved on and so have she. But she was always trapped in those memories that you had once given her. But, soon enough, I'm sure she will be able to let it go. She is able to and she will. Someone who is sincere to her and loved her with all his heart is what she truly wants. And she had found that someone special and loved him with all her heart. So have you and she sincerely gives you her blessings.

Time to let go and set herself free.

2010-03-07T16:46:00.002+08:00

A levels result are out and my results are like suck cock! Won't be able to get into a good course. No, I don't even know if I can get my ass into uni now. Who am I to judge whether the course sucks or not! Should I retake? I saw the grade profile of all the unis in Singapore and I think I really can't make it. What I wanna do now is to just party!! I wanna party away all my troubles and problems. Yea, I sound like a hermit, but maybe I am one.

Went clubbing with Andee and kel yesterday, I really enjoyed it ttm! I think I will be hooked on to clubbing! The music, the drinks and the people. Went drinking and sheesha the day I got my suck cock results. Went clubbing and smoking yesterday! Can life be any better than this? Now, after I tried smoking, I really don't see any problem with smoking. I love the feeling. Andee said I smoked like a noob, well, I am one. But as time goes by, I know I won't be one anymore.

It is time to rebel and breakaway. Had enough of all the restrictions. Maybe I'm just too fucking disappointed in myself for getting such suck cock results and for wasting my time for the past one year when I should be concentrating and focus on my studies. I just wanna let myself fall and just fall.

Things happened yesterday. Had some drinks with Kel's friends outside Zouk before we went to Supperclub. Had around 4 cups of Martel + coke. Was a bit high when we got to Supperclub. Music was loud, dancefloor was packed, everything was crazy. I danced with this jap guy, I was careless, almost got into trouble. Thank god Andee and Kel were with me and saved me! Thanks guys!

Was I really being careless or I'm just asking for the trouble? I seriously don't know. Or maybe I just want to let myself fall and be slutty and a whore. Maybe this is the life that I wanna lead for punishing myself? I know that in a club girls must really protect themselves from those pervetic jerks and yet I allowed myself to lose control and throw myself into their arms.

2010-03-03T11:00:00.002+08:00

It's confirmed, A Level results will be out this Friday. I seriously don't think I can make it. Been having weird dreams bout my results and had this vision that I will get B,C,D,E. Goodbye! The enjoyment of studying! I think I will be crying on that day, shall bring dozens of packets of tissue. I dread the moment that I get my result and I dread telling mum the bad news. I dread reaching home seeing her disappointed look and tell me how well her friend's daughter did. I dread going to work and my colleagues will ask me how I did. I dread and I dread. But there is nothing that can be done, becoz it will all soon become a reality.

Re-take or UniSim? Guess this will be the question that I have to ask myself on the day the release of result, not NUS or SMU or NTU.

2010-02-23T22:50:00.003+08:00

Why is it that whenever we quarrel or fight, you seldom text me or call back to ask for forgiveness? Or your text only comes once every hour plus? Am I that insignificant in your heart? You can even sleep well without feeling any guilt or remorseful? Maybe you don't have to, since I'm the one who make a fuss out of a very minor thing.

Have you ever wonder what I was doing while you did not text me? Maybe it is for the best that you do not know.

Almost. I almost fell into a abyss. I find myself really daring doing it or nearly doing it in a fit of anger and just wanna piss you off. But I didn't, which I find it glad, for I do not want to hurt you. I don't want to feel guilty when I face you. Most importantly, you are too dear to me that I can't bear to do it to you.

I don't know what you are thinking now. We have been fighting for the past one day and I just can't bring myself to forgive you, despite your pleadings. Are you missing me now? I seriously doubt so. Maybe you are in your dreamland now. I salute you.

I can't be bothered much. Maybe I'm immune to all these or maybe I'm too engrossed in...

2010-02-10T15:33:00.002+08:00

I'm in pain now, like seriously pain ttm! I've got a huge pimple, around the size of a 50cents coin? It is causing much pain to me whenever I walked, stand and worse, sit. Think should be able to figure it out where that pimple is. It is really killing me. I tried applying some cream on it but it doesn't seems to work. And it won't burst!!!! I'm dying!!! :(((

2010-02-09T17:58:00.003+08:00

Just brought 2 ladies into the garden for a tour. A Singaporean lady and her UK daughter-in-law. The lady told me that the son went UK for studies and met the girl, they just got married last October. Awww... Haha! That's besides the point. The daughter-in-law looked very elegant. She is charismatic, cheerful and that aura that she gives out is like.. Hmm, indescribable. But she gives you the feel that if you wanna find someone nice, she is the one. On top of it, she is pretty. No wonder the son fell for her, told my colleague if I'm a boy, I will definitely fall for her. Such a pleasant looking and sweet lady. She possesed what we Chinese said, 气质! Really gives you the very clean feeling.. Awww.. IDOL!! Tot I saw an angel comes to the garden. So different, so pure and so nice ttm!!

Hope I can learn from her.

Oh oh!! And it gives you the feeling that with her around, everything seems to be so beautiful. She can even beautifies all the ugliness around. With her, there can never be ugly things. 0:)

Reminds me of this song 'Angel in disguise' by Corinne May. Just that she is not an angel in disguise but is a real angel!!! :D

This is the good thing about working in the Children's Garden. You get to meet many and all sorts of people. Make me realized that I actually like to meet people and know people. Maybe I should focus on such field, meeting people!

2010-01-27T11:31:00.002+08:00

Met up with Andee and Keline yesterday for a chit chat session at admiralty mac. Though it was a short meet up, but I really did enjoy myself. Was nice chatting with them and updating each other regarding our lives. And we can just talk about everything and anything under the sun! :)

I'm glad I found these 3 friends in sec school, which made my life so much more colourful and fun. Really treasure this friendship of ours! So happy that all of us are doing well now and we are all attached with the one that we loved dearly.

It is really nice meeting up once awhile to chit chat and hang out at our usual hangout place, Admiralty mac. And it seems that everything is fated, we even lived near each other, all located in Admiralty. :D

2010-01-16T00:16:00.002+08:00

Haiz! It seems that all or most of the people around me are so fortunate!! Think I'm just one shit luck ttm! At most I can brainwash myself that life WILL be better! :) there is this Korean drama that I watched earlier on, the girl will repeat that she is beautiful, smart, pretty, capable and bla bla to herself 12 times a day to tell herself that life get better. But actually deep in her heart she knew that everything will still be the same and it's no use repeating all these trying to cheer herself up for things WILL still be the same. Sadded ttm k?

Anyway, I shall just kept on telling myself that despite it is of no use, at least I can lie to myself and take refuge in it for that short while. =/

Had gastric flu since ytd, doc gave me 2 days of MC but I don't think I've recovered much and I stupidly told my manager I will be fine by sat which means I gotta report to work tmr! Thanks!! I can still feel my stomach churning and it hurts! Hopefully I won't LS in my pants tmr:(( ouch! Stomach hurts again!!

Someone just reminded me, they just released the O Level results, soon it will be the A Levels. Ahhhhhhh! I'm so gonna die! The people around me did well for their O! One cousin got 8 for l1r5, another got 24, good enough to go poly. Will my A level be as good? Seriously, I don't mind getting straight Bs, just let me get into NUS Chinese studies, I'm more than greatful!! 0:) haiz. I think I had enough of this let me get into uni n I will be more than grateful kind of attitude. Even if I don't, I think I kinda deserve it! Can't blame others but to blame myself for not studying hard enough. Ok! Enough is enough of this result things!!

Life have been kinda boring after starting work. Everyday I've got to go through the same old mundane routine. My colleague is right, after you are used to it, you kinda like get immune to it alr and it's just your paycheck that motivates you to do the same old thing over and over again! That's why since young, they always said a career and a job is different and it is better to do something you like instead of something you don't like at all. Else you have to force yourself to repeat the same routine for the rest of your life! BORING!!

It's only been 1 week plus that I got my pay, and now, I feel so broke! I don't know where my money goes to :( I should really slap myself for being so spendthrift!! But I don't remember buying much things! Just one f21 dress which cost $25, a pair of slippers that is not comfy at all and movies, The blind side. That's all! Money!! Where are you??? Please return to my side!! I miss you lots!!

I should go sleep now, my tummy won't stop churning! :"(

2010-01-11T23:47:00.002+08:00

Just came home from dinner with winson at Oscar, Conrad centennial Singapore! Went there to celebrate our 1 year anniversary! How time flies!! And we've come so far. Really never thought that we can come this far.

Anyway, he surprised me with roses, a bouquet of white roses. Teared when he gave them to me, never really thought that he will buy roses. And it was after the waitress served us the cake. I'm touched ttm!!

Hey baby, thanks for everything that you've done and planned today. Though it was a short celebration, I really did enjoy myself. Know that you don't have much money yourself, yet you are willing to spend so much for today. Really do appreciate it and happy 1 year anni!!! <3

2010-01-09T17:05:00.003+08:00

OMG!! The very first thing that came to my mind when I heard the news and when I saw her fb status was, WHAT THE HELLL?!?! My friend is only 21 this year and she got engaged!!! With her bf of only few months.. Like Woah!!

But somehow, I kinda envy her! Able to be a young bride and found a man who is able to provide for her at such a young age. And I just realized, most of my friends either has a well to do bf or well to do gf. Why?? Where's mine?? Haha! Maybe I'm never the lucky one and has to be satisfied with what I am and what I have now. :(

Anyway, all the best to my friend who is engaged. Though I really don't feel like congratulating her on her fb or blog! Haha!

2010-01-08T10:58:00.003+08:00

Yeah!!! My pay is out!!! Mwahaha! You people out there, STOP exploiting me!!!! What interest rates start at 500% or 499%! Why don't you guys borrow from me, since I'm rich now! Interest rates starts at 100%!! Its so much more affordable compared with you guys'! :))))

Yesterday mum asked me, what am I planning to to if I can't get into government uni. So I said I planning to go SIM. My colleague who is in NUS now regretted ttm for entering NUS, which takes 4yrs to get the Honours Degree, whereas in private uni it takes you only 2years. But will cost you an additional 10K. I don't really know, but, despite this, I still really do hope/pray/wish that I can get into NUS Chinese Studies!

On the other hand, I also want to take horticulture! I think mum will kill me if she ever knew about this! If I go NP HLM, I will come out with a diploma in 3yrs time. But what I heard was it will be more towards theory. But I don't want landscape management, I just want purely horticulture! Why?! In the past, NParks do offer Diploma in horticulture, but they abolished it after NP started to offer HLM:(( my colleague told me to go overseas, at least I can come back with a degree. But of course, I will lose out compared with those NP studs who went there after their diploma. Cause they are already full with plants knowledge and I on the other hand have to start from scratch! Seriously, I do not mind at all. But just think about the cost of going for overseas uni, is enough to put the whole idea down.

Too bad, Im not borned in a well-to-do family. Too bad, I made the wrong choice and walked the wrong path the moment I got my O Levels result.

TOO BAD TOO SAD TOO LATE.

2010-01-05T10:18:00.002+08:00

Have been using adult's farecard for the past few days and my conclusion is: IT'S EXPENSIVE TTM!!! Arg!! I just topped up a value of $20 in my card on top of my $4+, and now only after a few days, only left with $10++! In the past, I'm so used to using student's fare or even bus concession, which cost only $20++ a month. I can really feel the pinch Mann!! Especially, I have to take two buses to go to work! Sadded ttm!!! :((( maybe I should just walk to work or invest in a moutain bike so I can cycle to work. But a bit stupid leh, since I won't work for long or rather I wish/pray/hope I won't work for long! 0:)

Let me get into NUS Chinese studies and I promise I will be a good girl!!

Sweety Please with sugar on top!! :)

2009-12-29T17:59:00.003+08:00

I just finished reading this love novel that I borrowed from the library. It is super nice.

I feel so lucky, that I lived in an era and a country that allows freedom for love. The couple are in a country where men and women are not supposed to even touch one another in the streets. Women are always hidden underneath their veil. If got caught, they will be punished; executed, lashed or even stoned to death. It was really hard for the couple to meet up n make-out. The guy even have to disguised himself into a woman in order to meet the girl that he loves and to be with her. Their love was so strong.. Nothing can tear them apart, even when the guy was being deported to another country, the girl promised to find a way to get back to him, even if it means that she is to betray her own body. Ahhh.. THE POWER OF LOVE!!

Oh! I read xiaxue's blog, regarding the love story between her n mike. So touching and I almost cried while reading it.. They been through so much to be where they are right now!! THE POWER OF LOVE!!! Really wish for all the best for the! It is not easy for them to come to where they are right now. To meet and know each other is tough, to fall in love and become man and wife is even more tougher.

Hmm.. Why suddenly I feel so emotional towards love?? Weird. Never mind then! Anyway, the day that I looked super forward to is nearing!! And that day is??? PAY DAY!!! That is the day that keeps me alive and motivates me to come to work!! Haha! I can buy many new dresses soon!!! The first one will be the F21 dress that I set my eyes on and the Espirit outlet grey jeans!!! Plaese let there be enough stocks and please do have my size!! I will come and get you guys ASAP!! And please don't delay my pay, my dear agency! Will greatly appreciate it!!

I WANNA CHANGE MY WARDROBE!!!!!!!!!! 0:)

2009-12-17T16:09:00.003+08:00

Why are so many of my friends going overseas with their boy/girlfriend??? I also want!! :( sad ttm! Maybe i just dont have that type of luck!

After the children's play that ended last sunday, work has been pretty slack. Was raining early in the morning and not many kids come to the garden. Then i fell asleep at the counter! Haha! Thank goodness my managers are not around! Phew! My job is really slack ttm! I get paid for doing nth! Or rather, i get paid for doing my own things! Haha! Easy money! Maybe a bit early to say that.

Anyw, im going with W to his secondary school class outing this sat. They first said it will be held at Sakura, then i had cravings for seoul garden. Then now they changed to seoul garden and i have cravings for Sakura! But, going to seoul on sat night is seriously not worth it! No free drinks and its ex! I would rather go sakura then on my day off ask W to bring me to seoul garden for brunch!!! XD ok! Then i must tell W to brainwash his friends to go sakura! Cut cost!!

2009-12-11T09:02:00.002+08:00

So many things are now going through my mind. And all i can say is FUCK! I think everything is so screwed up. I know that the society and working life is damn fucked up! But i never know that it is so much and more worse than i expected. Got complained at work ytd, shall blog about it later, after i finish work, for there may be more new updates.

2009-12-08T13:42:00.002+08:00

I'm so bored at work now! Slack ttm! My colleague who im supposed to learn from and take over after she left in Jan is going to resign this coming sun!! Ching chong chiang! Bad news ttm k?! There r still so many things that she havent teach me! Oh no!!! Help me!!! Job been kinda slack, everyday just sit at the counter answering calls and answer some dumb n stupid questions posted by the visitors or just do some data entry. I still have to learn how to update the website and many more things, which will keep me busy for the rest of the time that im gonna spend in JBCG!

Meet up with my pretty tuition teacher on sun. I was so looking forward to it, but the meetup was a total disappointment. I like her, i really do. Eversince the first time i saw her, i really like her! She is like my goddess. Okay, i think i sound a bit like some weird stalker. We had dinner, chat a bit regarding our lives and kept quiet a bit. And she promoted christianity to me. Im quite okay with it, i dont mind listening to such stuffs, but juat a bit sad. Made me think that the reason why she wanna meet up is to promote christianity to me. Disappointing and sad. Haiz..

2009-12-01T00:35:00.002+08:00

First time using my E63 to blog, i still prefer using my dear iphone! Think im not really suitable using e63, cause the keypad is rather small. But, then again, i think im slowly getting the hang of it. But, i might be lazy. Using a keypad phone, you have to put in more strength in your fingers to press the button, whereas for a touch phone, you use have to touch it lightly. Haha! Lazy me! This is weird, i really dont know how to use this phone to blog! Bye!

Tomorrow

2009-11-28T10:25:00.002+08:00

Ok! I've gotten the job!! :) they called within a few hours after I wrote the previous post! My commencement date will be on 3rd Dec. I'm so sorry MAKQ!! I can't go clubbing with u guys on the 2nd, 'cause I got work at 9:30am the next day. :(

Hmm, I will be working at this place called Jacob Ballas Children Garden. It's at bukit timah road there, near NUS Law Faculty campus. I will be working from tues to sun and including public hols! From 9:30am to 7pm! Ha! No more Monday blues for me Mann!! But, it also means tat once I start work, I will like completely give up my social life! People! If you guys wanna date me, please make it on Monday or after 7pm on other days!! =)

Hopefully I will like my job and maybe fall in love with it. As the name suggest, I will be working in a garden. I fell in love with the place when I went for my interview! But sad part is I have to deal with disgusting kids.. Bleh! And the pay is quite little and they don't pay me during my training. Means if I spend half my day for training, I won't be earning much for that day.. :( never mind! Cause my main purpose to work is to gain experience and I won't have much time to spend my money. Haha!

Cheers!

2009-11-26T14:03:00.002+08:00

I think screwed up my job interview! Damn me! Everything went so well! I went for the interview and they called within a few hours to confirm me! Then, stupid me, go tell them that I signed up for the moe teaching attachment and now, they decided not to hire me!! Arg!! So angry with myself! I think I will love the job! Despite I will have to handle kids and work like from tues to sun! But seriously, I don't mind! Screw me ttm!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! :((((

2009-11-22T11:46:00.003+08:00

Arg!! I hate it when mum nags about money!! Damn! Makes my blood boil ttm!

" Why do u have to use such an expensive phone plan? $50++!! My friend's son only use a $10++ plan, if it exceeds that amount, my friend will be very anal about it! You are just a student! Even uncle got shock when he saw your phonebil!! " and it goes on and on...

Arggggggg! Fine!! Ok! I've decided to give my iPhone to daddy and I will use his e63! I really can't stand mum nagging at me. Then I asked her should I take up the temporary job at botanical garden that pays me a meager amount of $50 a day. She was like you should! It's al about experience not the pay. $800 is more than enough for you to survive! Be thrifty, don't anyhow spend away the money, don't always think of getting good food and buy branded goods!! Like wth?! When did I ever want to get branded stuffs? And do you know that I always consider for a very long time whether I want to buy something or not? It took me more than a week to consider a dress that costs only $33.90 and in the end I decided not to get it!! What shit is this? If I am a spendthrift, would I consider a dress that cost less that $40 for more than a week??!! I will just buy it without much considerations! Why would I want a job that pays more? Firstly, I can save more and also, I can give some of it to you, to lessen your burden!! Arg!!! And thirdly, maybe I can buy more dresses that cost less that $40 w/o considering it for more that a week! XP

I really don't know Mann.. I really think I can fail my A.. Yes, I'm truly sorry! I'm not entering NUS, NTU, SMU or even SIM but Society University (社会大学)! I'm coming out to work!! Haiz.. Never mind! It's too late to regret now! Cause I only left with 1 more paper.. Haha!

Mum asked, what type of conversations do I always engage with my bf, cause she's so sick of seeing me texting him everytime. Really feel like telling her, nothing intellectual but just plain and mundane things! She said must save up and plan if I wanna marry him. Er.... No! That never cross my mind! Yes! I wanna save and plan for the future but no! I don't think I'm gonna marry him. Seriously I don't think I want to! I can't stand seeing myself engaging in those boring conversations for the rest of my life! And furthermore, he is my first bottle of ketchap! I wanna explore more! Maybe other brands are more suitable for me. But if by then all sauces are off the shelf, maybe I would prefer it plain.. No sauces for me for the rest of my life! :)

2009-11-05T00:06:00.002+08:00

Seriously, I'm damn sad now. Today is really me unlucky ttm day. Was on the way back after night study.. Was on the bus when mum called.. She was kinda pissed when I said that I'm taking a bus home instead of the train.. She was more issed when I said that I don't feel like having any dinner despite earlier on I told her to prepare my share. She was so damn pissed that she hung up on me.. I don't know why, but my tears just start to well up and couldn't stop... Cried all the way from BPP to woodlands interchange. And from woodlands interchange to home. Called dad, and he didn't pick up the phone..

Felt really very helpless and the journey back home is really unbearable.. I feel so unwanted. Nobody seems to care for me anymore...

Maybe what they say are true.. I'm fragile, my tears are cheap.. I cry easily..

2009-10-28T12:53:00.003+08:00

It's less than 2 weeks to my As, seriously, I'm not prepared ttm! I don't know, I feel my future is Full of darkness and I can't see the path.. My laziness is blocking me from seeing it, or maybe I'm not standing on my path at all? I feel that I'm more and more distant away as the days are getting closer.. I'm losing it. I'm losing this battle without even starting. I see my future being a retail sales personal earning like what, $1500 a month? Wah Fuck Mann!! I seriously don't want it... There's so much catching up to do, but so limited time.. I'm gonna fail Mann! Damn badly. All I gonna see on my A Level result slip is GP: E, ECONS: U, HIST: E, CHINA STUDIES: E, H1 MATH:U. Fuck me!

All my uni friends are like saying how wonderful uni life is, how sucky that module can be and how sucky the prof is. Can I do the same thing this time next year? I doubt I can... I'm losing faith.. I'm falling... Bye! NUS Chinese Studies! Just when I realize what my goal is, I have to give it up.. Cause I know I cant achieve it...

When u are not that smart, it seems tht you will have less stress and burden. If you are smart, you tend to have lesser too, cause you are born smart. But, when you are in between, you tend to get all the stress and burden. Cause you know you are not smart, yet you wanna climb high and not let the people who are encouraging and putting all their hopes and dreams in you down...

2009-10-25T16:00:00.003+08:00

Taking a break from my not-very-productive study... :(

I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you I <3 you

:)

2009-10-20T11:52:00.001+08:00

Life is so so so dull!! I need something interesting to colour my life... Hmm... Maybe by having a fling?? Arg.... Boring! Cause doubt anyone wanna have a fling with me!! Haha!! Loser ttm!! -.-

2009-10-20T01:58:00.002+08:00

Sad ttm Mann!! Saw my net friend's fb.. Gosh!! He quite good looking lorzzzz!! Haiz... Too bad too sad too late! We used to click so well Mann!! Arg!!! Damn A Level! Made me so busy and can't talk to him on MSN!! Damn!!! He is in army now:( SAD TTM LAR!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-10T18:55:00.002+08:00

Oh!! Went back to school today for GP Mock.. Mrs Leong was so sweeeetttt!! I lover her to the max Mann!! During our short break, she ordered muffins for us!! She is such a nice and sweet teacher!!!!! Ah~~!!

Okay, sometimes PJ kinda sucky, but the teachers (some) there are AWESOME!! :D say, Mrs Leong, Uncle Yap, Ms Nura, Mr Ng, Mr Khoo, Ms Ho n the list go on and on!!! Haha! I'm glad (at times) that I decided to appeal and came over to Pj :D yes, I (might) defend my school if others speak ill of it! And I (might) recommend my school to others, if they want caring n sweet teachers!!

2009-10-10T12:25:00.002+08:00

Went to eat Xin Wang Taiwan cafe with winson yesterday. Seriously, it's not as nice as I thought I would be. Prefer the Hong Kong cafe. BAKED RICE!!!!

Anyway, on our way back home, met Wei Jie n his gf, Cheryl at admiralty's Mcdonalds. We chatted. I think Cheryl is really a nice girl, so friendly!! :) and I think all of us clicked well!! Chatted for almost an hour before we parted. Glad that wei Jie found such a nice girlfriend:) hope that they will last long Mann!! Hopefully we get to meet up some other days n talk again! Haha!

2009-10-06T22:41:00.002+08:00

I've gotten back all my Prelims result and they suck ttm Mann!!

H1 math n Econs - U
Cse, GP n history - D

Still have a long way to go if I wanna get my As n Bs!!!! Arg!!! I've thought of my Plan B, go NIE n be a teacher if I did really badly for A Levels. Well, I got a Plan C if I can't get my Plan B (which is I fail the NIE interview), go work at botanical garden for a few years and pray very hard that they will send me to study Horticultural in whichever university they want to send me to. Plan D? Jump off the building Mann! But seriously, I really hope I can get my plan A! Do well for As and do whatever course that I'm interested in, instead of whatever course that the NIE wants me to do! I meant, who don't want to get their Plan A?! But well, in life, SHIT HAPPENS!! And if everything is that smooth, it will not call 'life'..

Never mind! I think there's still hope for me! In life, shit happens, BUT! Miracle do happens do!! Cheers!! ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE~~~~! :D

2009-10-04T11:34:00.002+08:00

Listening to 98.7FM now, it's 987 top 20 countdown, an encore. Hosted by Muttons. Anyway, they just played the number 1 song 3 years back, Oct 2006. The song is Justin Timberlake's Sexyback. Sounds familiar? Hmm.. Hearing it, really makes me reminded of the past around this time. Nostalgic!!! Was preparing for my O levels during this time 3 yrs back. And had 3 wonderful friends with me! Andee, Keline and Jia Min!!! :D

2009-09-29T00:18:00.002+08:00

Damn! Feeling a bit hungry now.. Arg..

Anyway, today went to henderson ridges again, but this time is with winson. Was kinda fun! We walked a lot, but didn't take much photos. We made French toast to eat on the way.. Yummy!! I bit tiring but overall was fun! The main idea of this trip was to help me relax after the prelims. It really helped me to relax!! After the trip we went to the harbourfront interchange for lunch.. Angry ttm Mann!! I wanted the old school pineapple juice, then winson went to buy the fresh pineapple juice, which costed $2!!! When the old school pineapple juice only costed $0.70-$1!! yes, I'm cheapo!! Sad-ed ttm!! :( I must go back to harbourfront interchange hawker centre for food again n get my cheap pineapple juice!! :)"

Thanks dear!! For companying me the whole day today! I really enjoyed it and feel relaxed!! Thanks for taking a day off to company me today.. Really appreciate it!!! <3

2009-09-21T23:29:00.003+08:00

Today is mum's birthday and I totally forgot about it till I saw my paternal aunt's SMS to my mum.. Feeling damn guilty... Woke up at 11am++, totally forgot what date today is.. So I also totally forgot bout mum's birthday.. :( jasmine ong said I'm such an unfillial daughter.. Bitch! But, haiz... Maybe she is right... Anyway, we didn't really celebrate.. Just ate the cake that jasmine's mum bought...

Anyway, back to the unfilial daughter part, I really am a lousy daughter.. Felt so super sad when just now, while mum n I was eating the cake, she said it's ok, I can always bring her out for a good meal when I've grown up and is stable.. Haiz.. Seriously, I think that mummy don't deserve such a lousy life and me, such a lousy daughter.. She loves both dad and I so much, but what did we reciprocate for her unconditional love that she always shower us upon? Sadness, dismay, worries and disappointment.. These are what we gave in return, yet she loves us so much and tries to give us the best.. Prepare nice breakfast for us early in the morning and always worry that we might go hungry.. Then, by the end of the day, she made herself so tired... Haiz..

I always told myself that I must give mum a good life in the future and I want her to be proud of me! Bring her to places that she wants to go and I just want her to be happy and be happy... And show those bitches at her workplace that her daughter can make her proud and stop fucking outcast and bully my mum!! You dumb fucking bitches who think that your are so high above others and all your know is to bitch and gossip bout others!! FUCK YA!!!

Mum is good in carving those sculptures... How I always wish that I'm rich enough to buy some of mum's workpiece that she's always so proud of.. All she can do is admire it once she completed it and handed it over to the sales department.. She can't even own some of it.. Always thought of buying those equipment in the future so she can carve those gems stones and keep it.. I can even get her a display area to showcase her artwork.. But, nah! I don't want her to work by then, she should enjoy her life to the fullest and relax..

Mum, I love you.. Shall study hard to give you the best!! :)

2009-09-12T14:10:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired of studying.. Almost can't remember what day is today, thought it was a Sunday.. I simply have got no life at all.. Everyday is to the library and mug.. But, on the other hand! Just 3 more months! (2 months of study + 1 month of A level period) and I will be liberated!! Yeah!! So for now, a little sacrification should be ok! Imagine, many more doors will open after this 3 months! Doors leading to fun fun and more fun!! Yup! I can do it!!! Shall now renounce and be a mugger siaoz and after 3 months, the world will be a better place for NMQ!! :D

2009-09-12T00:26:00.002+08:00

Hallelujah~~~!! I think I'm in deep trouble man! Some people were burning incense papers at the ground floor. Went to close the window and I 'Aiyoh' too loud, they heard me and they looked up. So they saw me closing the windows and damn sure that it was me! Haiz.. Then I heard them discussing that I said 'Aiyoh'! Haiz.. They must be cursing and swearing at me man!! Haiz.. What if they ask the 'good brothers' to find me how?! I'm so dead!!

Haiz.. Seriously, I should not have 'Aiyoh' that loud, it was not meant to be heard by them in the first place. My comments on that should be kept within the four walls of my house and not beyond that.. Please forgive me!!

P/S: I meant please forgive me, Buddha!! I know my mistake le, and I won't repeat it again!!

2009-09-10T13:31:00.000+08:00

Am mugging in the library now.. Decided to blog first before I continue mugging.. :)

Anyway, Thesis is finally OVER!! Woohoo!! And I know my thesis SUCKS TTM!! seriously, it totally sucks! I even mixed up the date that we are supposed to hand it in! Thanks Bernice, for messaging me! :) else I will still b thinking that the deadline to email it to Ana will be today 8pm! Haiz.. It was a piece of sloppish work! Can't believe it! It concerns my A level grade and all I produced is SHIT! Nevermind, it is over.. Nothing can be done now, shall focus hard on my case study and essay then and try to pull up my grades! At least a C for CSE la hor?! Jia you NMQ!!! :D

seriously, if you ask me, a bloody C is really not enough.. But shall satisfied with a C since I've submitted a piece of rubbish to Cambridge! 55 and above should be achievable la!! :) then I shall do super awesome for my other subjects! Ok! Enough of NATO!! back to study!!! :)

CHIONG CHIONG CHIONG!!!

2009-09-08T19:56:00.000+08:00

Damn angry mann!!! Even the FB system has to say that I'm fat!! Like WTF?! Arg!!!! What's more was that winson did not take it down the moment he saw that I fell into that category!! Like arg?! Yes! I just can't plainly accept that fact that I'm fat!! Bleh!!! Angry ttm! Somemore, when Pris commented that how can he put his gf under fat and all he replied was not his fault, but the system!! Arg!! He should just bloody take it down right?! Made my blood boils ttm!!

2009-09-08T18:30:00.000+08:00

OMG!!!! heh heh! A cute Innova JC guy sat next to me in the library!! Didn't really bother bout him much until when he was about to leave an wanted to unplug his laptop from the switch, which was under my seat. Then I saw how cute he was!! His smile is enough to send me to heaven!! Hmm... Is that how u describe it? Nvm.. Anyway, yes! He was darn cute!!!!!!! His smile was so radiant!!! Arhhhhh... He's a Malay, but who cares! Heh heh! So long he's cute, I don't mind whatever race he is! Even Joanne said he is cute!!! 0:)

2009-09-03T13:52:00.000+08:00

I think it is nice to have good friends around to constantly remind you what your priorities are and guide you back to the correct path... :) upon seeing meif's tag, I felt warmth and fortunate.. I know I have good friends around me and she is one of them.. :)

Yep! I should know better than anyone what my priorities are.. But it seems that I've lost my way somehow as I was being too distracted by other things... But thank goodness, a good friend is around to remind me and pull me back.. It's time that I really wake up and just ignore other things that are irrelevant but just focus on my studies.. I've come so far, I can't let anything jeopardize my future.. I MUST and I WILL get into uni, and not just any university, but my dream uni, TSING HUA!!

Jia you!!! :D

2009-09-02T23:06:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. I'm so unlucky, went to yishun Harvey Norman and realized that the pink lappy is OUT OF STOCK!!! arg.. The salesman told me to put a deposit first and most probably it will arrive by fri.. Or should I just settle with the white one? I like white too, but I prefer the pink design.. Haiz.. Dilemma!!!!

2009-09-02T18:12:00.001+08:00

Haiz... Seriously no mood to mug... :( feel so bad for Joanne! She can't study properly with me constantly disturbing her...

Anyway, arg!! I HATE my new haircut! Seriously, it sucks! People! Don't laugh when u guys see it! Forgot to tell aunty to follow my old hairstyle.. So now, it's not bob but layered to super thin!! Haizzz.. I'm speechless upon seeing it.. It's time for me to get a wig.. Nvm.. Wait! After A level! I shall go back to Chapter 2 to cut my hair! Hopefully Shawn will still b there, it's been more than a year by then... Haizzz.. I wanna cry le! My hair really sucks! And I can't tie it up, will make my face looks bigger!! I hate my BIG face!! Arg.. Maybe I can go HELEN and get a nice big bow hairband.. So people will get distracted by the bow and not notice my BIG FAT face? Ok.. Wait till I have money to get it.. Now, I need to slim down plus save $500 for my big makeover after A level!!! :D

2009-09-01T15:44:00.001+08:00

I'm so PISSED right now!! Can't believe that winson losed the keychain that I made for him on his birthday!!! Angry!!!

2009-08-31T21:30:00.000+08:00

Arg!!! I'm now so madly in love with HP mini 110-1025, it's a pink mini laptop!! It's super nice!! And it cost only $699!! Worth it right?!?!?! I wanna own it!!!! Haiz... But I highly doubt tat my parents would allow me to buy it!! Dad kept on saying that I will only get a laptop IF I MANAGE to get into uni!!! Haiz... But, why don't you get me a laptop and all the more I will work hard and get into uni?! PLEASE daddy!! Let me buy it!! I can use my meager amount of savings to pay for it... PLEEASSSSEEEEE!!!! I promise I will be a good girl!!! :D

If not, I think I will have to rob the bank... :(

2009-08-30T23:23:00.001+08:00

Went to have dinner at Sun with Moon with Winson just now. My dear Rui and her boyf were suppose to join us for dinner too... But her boyf was not feeling well today, hance we decided to call it off. So Winson and I decided to go alone, since today is like the last day for his staff discount.. Anyway, we had Sashimi!! OMG!!! It was AWESOME!!!! The sashimi was so so so FRESH!! And I decided that I LOVE sashimi!! Mwahaha! Sakae sashimi really sucks!! It was not very fresh, that's why I kept on thinking that sashimi had a weird taste to it! Now I know why Japs love sashimi so much and they are so particular about the freshness.. Anyway, YUMMY! I strongly recommend SUN WITH MOON sashimi!! It's a MUST try!!! :D

Okay.. Here comes the sucky part.. After dinner, we walked around Clarke Quay.. Then suddenly, Winson told me that just now there were these few girls whom we walked pass were very pretty.. Don't know why, upon hearing that, it made my blood BOILS!!!! I know I said that I allow him to look at girls, and when he did, he must share it with me. So we can look at the pretty girl together. But, yes! Easier said than done! I DONT like it, when he fucking look at other girls!! And it fucking make me JEALOUS!!! Yes!! I'm Fucking jealous!! I saw the girls too, they caught my attention when we walked pass them! But Fuck! I just don't like it!!! Bleh!! Get lost!! Yes!! I'm fucking jealous that they are slimmer than me!! I fucking jealous that they are prettier than me! And I fucking angry that they caught my boyf's attention!! Arg!!!!!!!!!

But, I think the reason why I'm angry was that he didn't share it with me the moment we walked pass them, but was after several minutes, say 5 minutes? That's rather long k?! So it just meant that the girls' image just stuck into his mind! >=( ANGRY TTM!!!

And yes, after this incident, I decided to TRY my best to slim down and look nicer! So that my boyf will only have eyes for me and no one else! People please slap me if u ever see me binging and not controlling my damn diet! Thanks!!

2009-08-27T23:26:00.000+08:00

Poor me... Was sick for the past 2 days.. Had gastric pain and the feeling is really really sucky! Vomitted a lot... Haiz.. Doc said it was due to stress.. I wonder where all my stress come from... Oh watever! Anyway, not gonna have much school days this coming teachers' day week, shall really start mugging then... I'm really very far behind... :( I really dun hve the motivation to start, I wonder Why... Thought I should wake up by mid years? But apparently, I didn't.. And I still haven't wake up as well... Haiz.. Screw me!!

Bye Tsing Hua! Bye Local Universities! Bye Dreams! Bye going to university! And welcome fucked up life after I know I gonna fail my A!!

I can just go Fuck myself!! :(

2009-08-20T23:17:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. I think school really sucks nowadays.. Don't know what's up with all te teachers, like PMS sia... Haiz.. Most of them giving attitudes, ok not most but some of them.. Should really just burn down the school man! Who cares anyway! Since the school is like built on budget?! Especially the toilets!! They suck to the max!! Worse than the china ones ok?! China toilets didn't even have flies flying around, at most is a weird stench.. But the school's? Arggggg!! It totally freaks me out!! The flies, the smell.. Ewwww!! Is this even a Singapore toilet? And a school's one somemore!!! Think the government should implement the 'Singapore Ok' toilet program in schools too! And I'm sure, PJ is gonna fail it BADLY man!!!

2009-08-19T16:48:00.001+08:00

*Yawnzzz* Feeling so tired from all the studying, but.. Nothing much was done though.. Should really give myself 2 tight slaps on the face!! Arggggg!! Don't know why, but the Woodlands Library is damn damn noisy and packed.. Many Poly students, maybe their exams are round the corner? But I thought they have their school's library? Hmm.. And where have all the Librarians gone too and the security guards? Are they called security guards? But they really dressed like one.. Thought usually they will patrol around the library and tries all ways to mark you down?? Where are they when I needed them? And why do I always see them when I don't need to! And Thank you very much for your yellow slip of paper! -.-

" thanks cousin for cheering mii upp jus nw.ended my paper2 and ii saw her txt.ii smiled. :D euu oso work hard too okays bitch.dunn b too busy wibb euur bf.its me & euur's bigg yr tix yr !! been long since we las met to hav fast food.still work hardd okays !! rmb our promise.to go clubbing endd of tix yr !!!
-misses-"
copied it from Jasmine Ong's Blog :)

See people! I'm such a nice and sweet cousin! Aren't I? :D
Yup yup! Let us work hard together towards our dream results and goal! And for once, hack care about the guys!! Heh heh!! Study is more important!! :) And like what Mr Ng said, always regret that you work too hard but not, regret that you work too little! Both are regret, but the former is so much better than the latter..

JIA YOU!! 加油!! :D

2009-08-18T22:51:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Sometimes really feel like giving up.. But on the other hand, why give up now when I only have like 3 more months to go? Sometimes I really feel so tired.. I've really tried my very best to stay awake in lectures and tutorials but to no avail.. Even got scolded by Ms Nura... Whatever, don't wanna recall such a painful experience again...

But, like what Mrs Leong said, if A level is really that tough, why would there be so many students around the world and in Singapore chose this path? Yeah.. Maybe I should just press on and strive harder.. Since I've already chosen this path, might as well put in my very best and make the best out of it.. Read kel's blog, Uni seems fun.. :) I wanna go Uni too!! To meet great people and take up my dream course. Dad has already given 1/4 of the green light for me to go China, if I do well... :) So I guess, everything is just up to me then!

To strive hard or not to strive hard, that's a question.. And I guess, I jollywell know the answer... :)

Once again, JIA YOU JIA YOU NG MEI QIAN!!! YOU CAN DO IT!! SO MANY PEOPLE ARE THERE TO SUPPORT YOU, DONT LET THEM DOWN!!!!!! :D

2009-08-15T08:56:00.000+08:00

Heh heh! Haven't been eating for the past 17 hours.. No! I'm not tryin to slim down but too tired and busy to eat.. Can't believe it that I can tahan it.. First time lei!! Hmm... Randomness.. -.-

Oh!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm like super happy! On fri, Bernice told me that she dreamt of me! Heh heh! She dreamt that both of us are in China AND I got a handsome guy with me, so most probably he is my boyfriend!! Yahoooooo!! :) Happy ttm though it is only a dream... BUT I can make this dream into a reality IF I work towards my goal, study smart for my A Level and ace it. Then, everything will become a reality!! Yes!!! :)

Meeting rui later for late lunch or early dinner at town with Winson, cause she wanna eat Pepper Lunch! Shall bring my camera over and it will be my first time eating Pepper Lunch.. :( before that, shall go over to National Library to do some research for my Thesis.. :)

JIA YOU NG MEI QIAN!!!!!! :D

2009-08-07T00:32:00.003+08:00

Just had a chat over the phone with winson... Hmm, then he talked about what I wrote in my previous entry, regarding me wanting to go China to pursue my education and wanting to ditch him if I manage to find a better guy than him.. Said that he will let go if that really happens.. My heart feels weird... Suddenly, I feel that I've hurt him, have I? Maybe I had, by saying that I wanna ditch him for better guys.. :( but, please trust me, you know I won't... I'm never the heartless and emotionless player in this game call love..

Trust me and trust our relationship... Even by then, we will be in this relationship for more than a year, all the more it will be difficult for us to just let go... Maybe by then, it will be the other way round? Heh heh! Let's not think about it for the time being, for all these might not happen.. What is important is now.. Having you by my side and knowing that you love me.. And you know I feel the same way towards you too :) let us treasure one another dearly and the every moment that we spend together.. Let us do it, not because we fear that we might lose one another in the future, but because we love one another... :)

I love you my dear... I really do! :)

This post is dedicated to you solely... <3

2009-08-05T15:16:00.002+08:00

Heh heh! Ng Mei Qian seems to have found her motivation to start mugging, for the time being... Went to Tsing Hua university website.. Aghhhh!! I so wanna go there and study!! It's gonna be so fun! And the school fees is like damn cheap!! Like $26,000 a year?! In RMB!!! haha! So it's only like $5000 a year?! Heh heh! Shall work hard! With good grades then I can go over and study!! :) and make everyone miss me!! Maybe I'm just being selfish, go China and make everyone miss me.. And my parents will realize my importance.. But, not planning to tell them my plan yet.. Wait till I get my results first.. Cause if I don't do well ( touch wood ), I can't go anywhere!! :(

So my plan now is to study hard n mug hard! Can't let anybody and anything to jeopardize my WONDERFUL plan!! Even if I stay in sgp, I will also be very happy!! :) so bottom line is, GET A GOOD A LEVEL CERT.!!! haha! And find a better guy so I can ditch boyf!!!! A guy whose family will appreciate me and get along well with! :) yeah!! Happy ending!!!!

K then! Back to mugging!!!!! :)

Anyway, is it true that I can apply for uni through my (good) prelim results? And my place will be secure even if I did badly (touch wood) for the actual As??

2009-08-04T01:03:00.002+08:00

Feeling wide awake now, after my "nap".. It was not supposed to be a nap, supposed to sleep till the next morning. But apparently, I can't get back to sleep after I woke up to go wee wee.. Haiz, and I only slept at 930pm... Arg!! And the Blangha is on the phone again... :((((

Hmm... Felt like a glutton today.. Went to Northpoint for dinner with dear. Had 2 CHEESE chewy junior, $8.90 worth of maki, 1 extra big bowl ( I don't know why my portion was so huge) of Sukiyaki hotpot rice, 1can of Vanilla Coke and 1 sweet talk (lemonade).. Gosh!! Aren't I a glutton?! Ate so much!! Shall try to cut down on my input... But I'm having cravings now.. (guilty!!) like wth?! In the middle of the night... :( if I'm those who won't put on weight no matter how much I ate, like someone, say that Keline Woo ( I hate her for that!!! >=(), I wouldn't feel this guilty now!! Too bad too sad! I'm not!! Arggggg!!! But ok la! I'm not craving for much now, only Vanilla Coke for the time being... Haha! Damn! Think I'm addicted to Vanilla Coke, thanks to dear la! Always drink Vanilla Coke!! But I can't get it till late tmr?? Had history remedial from 6-7pm... :( Anyone out there who is so kind to deliver it to me to school tmr?? Haiz... Highly doubt so.. :"( I WANT VANILLA COKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT VANILLA COKE!! I WANT VANILLA COKE!!!! I WANT VANILLA COKE!!! I WANT VANILLA COKE!!!! I WANT VANILLA COKE!!!!! I WANT VANILLA COKE!! I WANT VANILLA COKE!! I WANT VANILLA COKE!! I WANT VANILLA COKE!!! I WANT VANILLA COKEEEE!!!

2009-08-02T21:31:00.001+08:00

Why do I keep feeling like crying? Suddenly, I just feel so sad... The situation that I'm in... I feel so screwed... Nothing seems to be like going my way... And I feel so lonely, emotionally... It feels like, no one really know me.. Not even... him.. Why is it that I'm feeling this way? All I see ahead of me is darkness and all I feel is loneliness...

2009-08-02T20:07:00.000+08:00

Feeling super tired after a whole lot of housechores. Swept the floor, mopped the floor, keep the laundries, fold the laundries and iron my school uniform. Mum's friend is coming over tomorrow, that's why I decided to clean the house. Don't want to leave a bad impression that my house is in a mess.. That's why I HATE people coming over as it will means doing housechores for me. Since dad wouldn't bother a single shit and I think mum will be too busy doing it too... So it just left to me.. Whatever...

Haiz... Can't wait for As to end, then I can find a job and start earning money and I can splurge! But, on the other hand, I don't want it to come that soon, I'm not prepared AT ALL!! like WTF?! I'm such a loser!! I'm going for the grad night this year, and it's gonna held at thr orchard hotel! Screw the 10th SC! A bunch of losers!! FUCK OFF!! Decided to go since most of the people from my clique are going, and I don't like to be left out and also I missed my secondary school's prom, so all the more I should go right? Besides, it might be the first and the last time that I'm going to a prom. Cause at this speed that I'm going, I can just forget about uni! I'm not studying at all.. I don't know why, I just lack of motivation.. Someone please motivate me!! I can bid farewell to Tsinghua and the unis in Singapore.. Bye! :(

Read Kel's blog, she seems to be doing fine with her boyf's mum, so are so many of my friends.. I'm finding myself such a fucking loser.. Since young, I always thought that I'm those that can get into the good books of my boyfriend's mum... Not that I'm self-praising, but I always thought that I'm alright and I should not have any problems with my boyf's mum. And I'm so loveable! Ha! Screw me! Whatever! I don't give a damn! Cause from the beginning till now, I don't think I did anything wrong in the first place! Hate or dislike me for all I care! But, actually, as a matter of fact, I do care. I do want to be liked by my boyf's parents! And I don't think it's a good idea for me to always try to avoid THE family.. As what the Chinese proverb says, no matter what, the ugly daughter-in-law still has to meet the mother-in-law. Not that I'm ugly la!! Heh heh! Haiz, true, I can't possibly not visit THE mum during CNY right?! That will tarnish my image all the more.. Unless, we broke up before CNY.. good idea yea?! Screw me! :(

2009-07-30T00:25:00.004+08:00

Hmm.. Okay! Ng mei qian has finally downloaded applications on her iPhone! Ya, like after having this gadget for like more than half a year, she finally figured it out.. Whatever la! So stop calling her a noob!!!

Haiz... Insecurity again.. Darn it! It feels so weird la! If feelings are able to fade that easily, will ours fade that soon too?? What if one day you turn around and tell me you love me no more?? Or that you fell in love with someone else that your family preferred over me? What's gonna happen to me?? Cry my eyes out?! Haha, maybe, a very high possibility.. Since Im always the one who turned back whenever I thought I could leave with my head held high.. I'm such a loser!!

Can you give me reassurance?? Cause I always find myself in this pitiful position of having uber low self esteem... :(

it's okay, maybe you don't have to at all..

2009-07-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. Why is it everybody are saying that they are going overseas and planning not to return back to singapore for good? Ok, maybe not everybody, but just 2 of my friends... They are not really my close close friends and I can't be bother much, but it just set me thinking.. When did those countries relaxed the criteria for migrating over? Maybe I'm being myopic or what, but I never knew that it is that easy to migrate over to another country that easily or it will never be. Thought they must ensure that you are some "foreign talent" and is beneficial to their country before they approve you? Or maybe you are lucky to find a native spouse over there.. Ok, I might sound mean, but I don't think any of them do qualified in the so-called "foreign talent" category... Correct me if I'm wrong regarding the migrating criteria, for maybe there really is a change in the rules which I don't know.. :)

2009-07-16T21:41:00.003+08:00

Haiz... Seriously, I'm feeling so so so guilty!! I'm sorry dear!! For splurging toooooo muccchhhh this month and now you are like so broke! Arg! Hate myself for that! I'm so supposed to help and encourage him to save money!! And in the end, I kept on encouraging him to splurge! I so deserve 2 tight slaps!! Arg!! Think this month we really spend money like water!! Should have spared a thought for dear in the first place, all these are his HARD EARN MONEY!!! And I just... Urg!!! No wonder mum would never allow me to have a ATM card!! She knows that I will just splurge on anything.. Haiz.. My MPC is so freaking high!! Ok, for those who don't know econs, MPC = Marginal Propensity to Consume and according to Keynesian theory, the MPC of the lower income or the poor is very high! Cause they have so many wants and needs, so when they have a increase in their income, they tend to consume more than before!! So apparently, I do fall into this category of the poor and lower income! So I have many wants and needs, hence when I have or rather, saw that bf has an increase in income! I wanna spend more!!

I'm do sorry Dear!! Promise shall not splure so much next month!! And will try hard to resist all temptations and encourage you to save money!! :))

But, it's damn hard k?!?! Saw some nice dresses in F21!! I wanna buy!! It's damn cheap k!! But I have this super low allowance that do not allow me to spend on other things besides my notes!!! :"(

2009-07-15T23:13:00.031+08:00

Another chance was given, to him and I and to this relationship.. Let it be made clear to myself that this will be the very last chance... It should be made clear to me and not anyone else, since I'm the one who always can't bear to let go and decided to turn back...

This very one last chance to this relationship which none of us can bear to part with and let go.. This relationship that we fought so hard for and treasure it with all our heart and soul.. Just hope that both of us will treasure this one last chance dearly and not waste it.. And hopefully, nothing complicating will pop up again... Know that in a relationship it can't be really smooth sailing, but I just want nothing dramatic from a third party to come in between us.. Problem between just the two of us can be overcome and solved, but not when it is a problem coming from a third party...

2009-07-14T13:52:00.002+08:00

Let us draw a line, a line between you and me.. It will no longer be you and me against the world, but just you against the world or just me against the world.

Everything is very clear now, your family hates me to the core. So much so that they can even scold me on Fb OPENLY.. Well done! Look ng Mei Qian! Right from the start you should listen to everyone and not get into this mess!

2009-07-10T13:50:00.002+08:00

GOSH!!! Tomorrow is our half year anni!! Ha! How times past! Damn! Still cant decide what to wear and where to go! Arg!! It's driving me CRAZY!!! Seriously, don't feel like going botanical garden! I don't wanna be all sweaty when we reach vivo for my MARCHE!!!!!! :)) Hmm... How? Prepared a present for dear 0:) Shhh... Haha!

Arg!! Then next sat is our double date with Bernice and her husband! Smart of her to come up with the theme 'black and white'!! Don't know what to wear too!! Arg... Seriously, I dun feel like buying a new dress just for the occasion, besides I'm like damn damn damn POOR!!! Spent a lot of money recently! Haiz.. But it seems like I've been spending my money on food! Cox I dun see an increase in my clothes!!? What the hell?!?! No wonder I finding myself getting fatter n fatter!! So that's where all money goes! To my tummy!!!!! :((

2009-07-08T00:22:00.002+08:00

Yeah!! Dear just called, we are gonna celebrate our 6-month anni on Saturday!! Yeah!! I dun have to celebrate it on my own on that day anymore!!! :) <3

Gosh! There's so many things that I needa do to prepare for that special day!! :) :)

2009-07-04T22:53:00.003+08:00

Had a hell sort of day today! Fuck it!! Met dear today to go ikea, tot it was gonna be a wonderful day, but on the bus he and I had an issue about my sweaty palm.. Thought he never minded about my palm, but when I saw him wiping his hand on his pants, hell! Dunno why it just pissed me off!! He never used to do that, or maybe he did but I didn't realize... Too bad then! Alighted at the ikea stop, walked around ikea, then anchor point and boarded 855 to go yishun. Halfway through the journey, realized that 855 pass by macritechi reservoir n alighted. Walked for almost an hour and decided to head back.. For the whole of 3 hours ++, all he did was follow behind me quietly.. :) <3

You know, there are so many things in life that you really love and like and would never wanna let go.. But, what if by having it, you will not be bless by others and will in return bring sufferings to the ppl around and even the "thing" that you love so much?? Will you still carry on and insist havig it or just let go?

For me... I might choose to let go. For I'm weak, I can't take all the remarks and knowing that others are not happy with me..

Thank you for telling me that you will always be beside me and not let anyone bully me. It really makes my day... :) especially, after all that have happened... <3

Of all things, you are the last thing that I wanna let go.. But if by doing that, you will be happier or better, I don't mind doing so!! :)

2009-07-04T01:04:00.002+08:00

I'm waiting for dear to call me now!! Think he went out to have supper with his mum!! Darn it! I also wanna have supper!

Sometimes I think that I can reallybe possessive at times.. Haiz... I think I'm being too dependent on boyf... And I just want him to be by my side all the time! It will be best if be can be around me 24/7, which I know is highly impossible.. :( and I just want him to be mine only! Just mine and no one else!!! Damn possessive right?! I'm such a possessive bitch!!

2009-07-03T19:06:00.003+08:00

Haiz... Can't believe it, our 6-month anni clashes with dear's sister's birthday!! Arh!! Darn it!! And he's mum wants him to be present on the Sis's birthday celebration! Maybe I might sound mean, but seriously, I dun see any purpose in forcing dear to attend it, it's not even a 21st birthday! So in a way, it's not really that important!!! But according to the mum, it's a somewhat special day, cause the Ang moh birthday n the Chinese birthday fall on the same day. Wow!! How "special" indeed!! :( arg! Sucks to the max!!

Dear said maybe we can celebrate in the afternoon and celebrate the Sis's birthday at night! But like wth?! It's not special anymore! Yes I'm greedy! I wanna spend the whole day with him, enjoy the day and the night!!! But if we are to postpone our anni celebration, it will defeat the purpose of celebrating our 6-month, then we might as well dun ever celebrate our anni anymore!!!! But, on the other hand, if dear didnt celebrate the Sis birthday, i will feel that I'm evil, cause I'm like stopping him from celebrating the sis's birthday.. Please! Anyone, just tell me I'm not being evil at all!! :) I'm a very nice girlf who is just trying her best to fight for more time to spend with her boyf before she starts mugging for A's!! :))

Haiz... Dear said he will think of a nice and perfect plan.. But apparently, there isn't any.. :(

2009-07-02T21:08:00.003+08:00

Yaa hoo!!! Many great movies are coming up!!! Harry potter, Up and the time traveller's wife, etc!! Yeah!! Dear let's go watch these movies k?? :) so far we have been watching movies that you wanna watch, so now, we should watch those that I wanna watch!!! :)

Seriously, I think I've been traumatized by this MYEs and this whole minute mugging thing!! Last minute mugging for exams in JC can really bring you no where!! Except maybe tiredness and hopelessness!! Yes! I promise, I shall NEVER do last minute mugging ever again! It really sucks! And I never want to experimce such a painful experience ever again!! Seriously, I think I just die if I do it again! :(

2009-06-25T00:09:00.005+08:00

Have now been in a relationship for like 5months++, to be exact 165 days. Suddenly, I just miss those days of being single and not having any serious crush on any guys but maybe except towards myself. Loved myself more than I loved anyone else.. Life was so carefree then, alright once awhile I might just wished that I'm in a relationship.. But most of the time, I was enjoying my carefree days! Whatever I do, all I need to think about is just me, me and me and no one else! Isn't life wonderful? Yes, very!!

Now that I'm in, I want out..

Why is it that I see that many girls are enjoying the wonderful relationship that they are in? They are in, and they never want out. Is it cause I fell for the wrong sort of guy? A guy who thinks that there are so many other important things in life such as sleep, rather than me? Or cause he is never the sweet sweet guy, but just a piece of block? A guy who will never save me when I'm sinking and drowning by those sarcastic remarks made by the _______? All in all, a guy who never truely understands me and my needs and didn't love me as much as I love him?

I'm feeling very insecure in this whole thing called, a relationship between he and me...

2009-06-24T15:16:00.003+08:00

Mugging in woodlands library now.. But just feel so tired after a few hours of mugging! Wonder how people can tahan mugging for hours non-stop! They must have gone crazy! Mugger siaoz!! How I wish I could be a mugger siaoz, but apparently I can't. Maybe I should be glad I'm not one of them thou! Haha! But seriously, all the last minute mugging is driving me crazy and sick!

I'm feeling the "miss" now! Yes, I miss boyf! Dammit! Seriously, this is the first time that we parted for so long. Usually, we meet up once every 2 days or even everyday! But, when there's first, there will be second and so on.... Haha!! Im missing him like crazy!! Eh!! Stupid uncle! Are you missing me? You better do hor! :(

I miss my swimming partner! I miss boyf! No one for me to bully on while he's away in the army! My mouth is feeling itchy, I need to bite on him!!!! Grrrr....

2009-06-23T01:56:00.001+08:00

Hmm.. How many times must I blog today? But anyway..

Feeling damn shitty and lousy ttm now.. TO THE MAX!!!! TTM!!!! Just feel like banging my head against the wall!! Arg!!! Honestly, im feeling so ashamed of myself... Disappointment just filled my whole body, not disappointed with anyone, but with myself... Well, seriously, i really don't know how to start... And I think I'm gonna take ages to complete this post..

I'm feeling so guilty now and I'm such a selfish person..

I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry... Happy super duper belated 19th birthday! Guess you enjoyed that special day of your's? I'm sorry that totally forgotten about it, until I suddenly remembered that it's been ages that I last visited your blog! When was the last? If I'm not wrong, it's in February.. After u wished me happy birthday. Thanks for being there for me and giving me support.. But it seems that Im never a good friend. Seldom visited your blog to get regular updates of your life and now, totally forgot about your birthday. I totally forgotten about you... I'm damn lousy yea?! After reading your blog, I then realized that you've been through so much... Just take care yea? Hope to see you soon.. 3 more months right? Then you will be back...

Thanks for always being there for me and giving me ur support.
Thanks for rememberig me.
Thanks for being my fireworks-mate for the past few years.
Thanks for saving me from my horrible and scary meet-ups with those ugly and disgusting net friends in the past.
Thanks for everything that you've done for me.
Most importantly, thank you for being a good friend to me. :)

I will cherish this friendship of ours sincerely..

Really sorry, Meif.. Totally forgotten about you and your birthday... :(

2009-06-23T00:32:00.002+08:00

Know I shouldn't be saying this, but Gosh! After looking through SP's fb profile, I just realized that I miss him so much!! Arg!! We really spent lots and lots of wonderful times together when we were in MI! We were always bickering! And I love his slamdunk tee! I think it's the cutest I've seen so far.. Maybe coz, he was the one wearing it! XD thank goodness I still had that pic in my friendster acc :)

Well, of course, I miss my MI 07S9 class!! It's been so long since we last met up!! Arg!! Been almost 2 years plus!! Everyone have their own businesses that they are busy with! Doubt we can ever meet up again! I just miss this wonderful bunch of people!! :(

Doubt they will read this post, but anyway..
Hey! Wonderful bunch of people! Must take care lots yea? And all the best in your future endeavours!! :)

2009-06-22T23:56:00.003+08:00

Had isomnia these few days.. Must be due to the upcoming MYEs.. Whatever la! Life's a BITCH!! Arg!!

Yup! The ministry is so not going to extend the school hols that all the students in Singapore was hoping for.. The Muttons said the h1n1 wasn't really that serious, only 0.03% of the whole Singapore population got infected.. By right we should be glad with the figures! But damn! I'm a student! Haha!

Oh yes! Boyf went for his reservice, which is gonna last for 5 days. Maybe I should be glad, with him out of my view for 5 days. Then I can really concentrate on my revision for MYEs. Cause seriously, I'm not planning to have tea with any of the HODs or the Principal.. And I'm not missing him at all, or at least for the time being.. Think he won't be missing me too.... Just felt that he never seems to care and doubt he has the time to care too.. Sucks!!!

Guess his sleep is so much more important than me.. Ha!

2009-06-18T14:59:00.002+08:00

One more week to the start of the school... Well, guessed I enjoyed too much during this school hols... But, cant really be bothered though... How i wish holidays will be extended due to the H1N1 pandemic.. But, then again, I'm just trying to runaway from the reality, might as well get over and done with, with the MYEs...

Had my 4E3 class gathering on 16th June, had a good catching up with everyone. It's rather fun to meet up once awhile with everybody and seeing that many of them have changed so much, like Teck Yi and Dexter. Ha! They really looked very different now.. But some still look the same though, like me =(

Anyway, had my class initiated CIP before i went for my class gathering. Overall, it was alright except for this small girl who really pissed me off. And I was rather mean to her. Hey! Don't say I'm evil or what! She was the one who forced me to be evil! Don't come stepping on Aunty Lynette's tail, or she will be very nasty and mean to you!! Aunty Lynette HATES naughty and irritating kids!!! I cant stand kids with irritating attitude! Don't come telling me about retribution or Karma! I don't remember I'm such an irritating kid like her when i was young!! I was very lovable and adorable!! Arg!!! Hate her ttm!!! Even the other kids also dislike her and so did my friends! Everybody hates her!! Hahaha!! But I love this small Malay boy! Think he is very cute! I'm sure he will have a very good future in times to come!! Go Iskandar!!=)

Seeing Iskandar's type of kids, makes me wanna have kids of my own.. (Awww.. :))
Seeing the small girl's type of kids, just makes me hate kids!!! (ARG!!!!!!!)

2009-06-10T10:04:00.003+08:00

Damn! Don't think I can make it for 4/3 class outing.. Arg!! Just remembered that I've got class CIP on that day, which I totally forgot about it. And I happily told them that I can make it for all days when they requested the dates that we are free for re class outing! Arg!!!!! Hopefully I can join them after my CIP if it ends early. :(

Yea!! Going swimming later, after coming back from the CIP briefing! Uncle will not be coming along, so means I can go to the DEEP pool!! :)) Happy!!! Hopefully the sun will be strong today! Then can at least tan a bit!! But most important is the swimming!! Must ton up my flabby arms!! Haha!

2009-06-08T12:38:00.001+08:00

Haiz.. I'm in deep deep shit!! Haha! I'm on my way to sch now, for my one and only cse conference with victor and I think I'm gonna screwed it up!! Haha! Well done me!!! Haiz... Someone just kill me now!! Arg!!!

2009-06-07T01:12:00.003+08:00

Gosh! Just threw my temper on uncle, which I really really shouldn't have! But it just pissed me off and I can't help it but blew my top! Like wth?!?! If you are tired, just say so!! Why turned around and asked me? I can just hang up and let you have your rest.. I don't know, but just hate it when people are tired and wanna hang up or stuffs like that, and yet turn around and ask me that million dollar question! If I'm tired, I will tell you so! Arg!!!!

And.. I just miss him so much that whenever I think of him, tears just roll down....

And I fucking hate this feeling!!!!

2009-06-06T15:17:00.003+08:00

HaHa! Yes, I'm screwed again! Am having my CSE conferencing with Victor Koh on Mon and i haven't start a single shit for my IS. Life just sucks! I've got no motivation to do the IS!! Damn me!!

Damned! Ever since my dear uncle started working, I've seen less and less of him! We seldom spend any QUALITY time together!! ARG!!!! I miss him :( !!!! Nowadays, we only met up for like 2-3 hours only... T.T SUCKS!!! But can't help it, he has to work to earn more money (for me to spend! $.$)!! haha!! Right uncle?? Mwahaha!!

But, you better NOT work on 11th JULY, despite the pay is higher on that day!! If you dare to work on that day, i shall boycott you forever!!! >:( ARG!!! I shall boycott the restaurant uncle works at! Thanks to the work that he has got no time for me! And maybe i should boycott uncle too! Always working and has no time for me!!! T.T

P/S: I HATE SALT!!! Said I've grown fatter! Can't help it ma, must binge to keep me awake and uncle has no time to bring me go exercise.. :"(

2009-06-02T18:51:00.004+08:00

Screwed! Screwed! Screwed! I'm damn screwed now! Tmr is math paper and I haven't started any revision yet! Screw me! I'm so hooked onto restaurant city and YouTube! Damn!! I said I will revise my math everyday if I got 30/80 or more for common test for math, got 32 and I didn't fucking do math everyday! Please!! Give me one last chance! Let me pass my math and I promise I will really do it this time round!! PLEASE!!! A primary school friend used to say this " sweety please on sugar on top"... Yes, Sweety please on sugar on top, so just let me pass my math this time round! Haiz.. I'm such a typical last minute worker.. Only know how to pray hard at the last moment..

Anyway, I really need my holiday! Not this June holiday, but a real holiday that I can really enjoy myself and just have fun!!! And just me and boyf am no one else!! Wouldn't it be GREAT?!?! Then we can really have fun!!! :) but guess have to wait till dec :( Nvm, then for the time being boyf should save more money$$ so that we can splurge when that time comes!! Yea!!!

2009-06-02T00:12:00.002+08:00

Fuck!! I hate it! I hate it when people say I looked like as if I've got some attitude problem! Like hello?! Compared to some, I'm considered ok!! No, I'm very ok! So ok that, personally I don't think I look like as if I've got some attitude problem.. I'm just tired! After a day of restaurant city and 2 hours ++ in the pool, do you think I will look lively? Maybe some people will, but NOT me!! Fine! So what if I've got that fucking attidtide look, still, you need not criticize right? Just keep it in ur heart and SHUT UP!! Besides, I'm not bothering your life right? And you seldom see me unless I visit your outlet, which I will never do again! Don't like my face?? Then don't look!!! No one asked you to look at me in the first place or even COMMENT!!

Fuck it!! I'm not some fucking ah lian or attitude problem kid k? And yes, you dun owe me any money!! This is how I looked like and how I looked at peopl! And I will NEVER change it!!!

2009-05-29T20:56:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. Yes! Boyf got the restaurant job, which means that I don't have to boycott the restaurant or it's tofu cheesecake!! Mwahaha!! And today is boyf's first day of work, hope that he is coping well! Jia you!! :)

Anyway, had my GP paper today and yes! I'm very sure that I'm gonna get a big fat U this time round! Damn! I chose this question: Education is a social leveller. Is it true in your society? Why did I choose such a tough question?? Think I can just bang my head against re wall and just die!!! Arg!!! I wrote out of point! I wrote about the importance of education instead!

2009-05-26T09:04:00.003+08:00

Gosh!! Yes, I'm here to rant about my sucky life again!! But what can I do? Since my life just sucks ttm! Tot that life will be better when Boyf get the job! F*** the restaurant for not hiring him! Yes! I'm so gonna boycott the restaurant! No tofu cheesecake!!! Alright, might change my mind bout boycotting it when I got a new bf in the future!! Mwahaha!! But for the time being before I got a new bf, F*** the restaurant!!!!!!! Arg!!!!!!

Life is just so sucky!!! I'm so looking forward for my sch hols to come! But, can't really enjoy sch hols.. Mid year after hols! Damn! Should have study hard when I was in my first J1 year.. If not I can PARTY now!!!!!! Haiz... Read all my friends' blog, most of them are getting into the uni and course of their dreams, esp KELINE WOO!! They are enjoying the fruit of their labour!

Lesson learnt: work hard now and you will get to enjoy the fruit of your labour next year! And stop ranting that your life Sucks ttm! All your friends had gone through what you are going through now..

OK! Yes, I'm learning!! Maybe I can learn from that SLUT, Keline Woo?! Haha! Then next year I will be on my way to Tsing Hua!!!! =) Then I can eat Beijing food everyday! And drink my fav green tea and Xing Mu everyday!! Hahaha!! And walk the Tiananmen square everyday!!!!!!!! And find an Ang Moh boyf who can speak Chinese!!Mwahahaha! Tsing Hua!! Wait for me!!!! I wanna be your international student!!! =)

But.. That Ng Mei Qian is always NATO, no action talk only.. I know, dream will always be a dream if you dun put in effort in it and change it into reality!! Haiz.. Jia you!!!

Hey guys!! When did your start studying and mugging for As? Beginning of the year? Or near mid year? I still got hope not??? Am I a gone case already?? ="(

2009-05-20T20:15:00.002+08:00

Hey friends!! Thanks for being concerned about me!! I'm fine!! So no worries and sorry for making u guys worried!! =) Stay strong!!

Watched Angels and Demons with jasmine today! The movie is AWESOME!! Seriously, I think everybody should catch it! It's worth your money!!!!!!!

Walked all the way home, from woodlands to admiralty... Just wanna clear out some thoughts... The whole journey, I constantly asked myself if I'm sad.. My answer, which I am very cleared about is, No! I'm not sad, but disappointed... Just plain disappointment...

I thought you will follow behind me, and just follow me quietly... But, you didn't, not even to the interchange... Was telling myself that I will forgive you and apologised for my temper, if I were to turn around and see you there... But you weren't there... A huge flush of disappoinment filled me.. Or maybe it's my fault and I deserve it?! Should not have expected too much from you in the first place... I should never have tried to change you into someone you will never be... I should have known earlier and not get myself into this whole mess...

2009-05-14T22:15:00.000+08:00

What do you do when you fall for someone but not the family?
What happens when the family's upbringing and culture is so much different from yours?
Ans: Just hold on and try to tolerate it.
Evaluation: It will eventually lead to nowhere...

I'm losing hope and faith in it... I really am... I don't know how long more am I able to hold on... I'm so tired in this whole thing... Its not that the feeling is not there, its there... but something else is missing... I hate it... maybe it's a mistake right from the start? This whole thing should never have started... Please, can someone just tell me that I'm wrong and I'm thinking too much??

Sometimes, it is just so boring... All the things we talked about are so mundane.. Have you eaten? What are you doing? Completed your homework? What you had for your breakfast/lunch/dinner? Yes, in the beginning everything looks so sweet and romantic, but after awhile, you will just find that it's all rubbish! Ok, at least to me... Where's the excitement in life that a relationship promises?

Im so really tired...

2009-05-13T20:44:00.002+08:00

Was having dinner just now, and mum suddenly asked me about Hui Jie.. Damn!! Why remind me of him??? She asked me if i am still in contact with him... Of course not! We never contact!! It was usually mum and he's mum, but now they never call each other for a chat anymore... And i cant get updates of Hui Jie anymore!! Mum was wondering if Hui Jie has a girlfriend now.. haha!! I'm sure he has!! He is such a nice and sweet boy!! Ya, he should be going for he's NS next year.

Hey!! Anyone from Singapore Poly and know a very sweet guy by the name of Hui Jie?? Update me about him!!! =)

I miss him... Was actually looking out for him or he's father on Vesak Day celebration at MBS.. 'Cause he's father will usually attend, but i didn't get to see he's dad! Else i might approach him and ask about Hui Jie, of course, given the condition that I'm brave enough!! =(

2009-05-13T19:39:00.003+08:00

Gosh! I'm damn screwed!! My phone bill summed up to around $120++ and mum is going to kill me! Actually, it is around $60+ a month, another $60 was balance brought forward. OK! in order to make mum happy, I'm going to unsubscribe my Broadband on Mobile!! =( Yes, and i am very very sad!! No more blogging on phone, no more reading of Keline Woo's Blog on my phone and no last minute surfing on my phone!! But what can i do? Since that's the only way to make Mum happy.. :( Yes, i know, i can always use my house wireless for my phone, bu what if it got disconnected suddenly and i didnt notice it? Then, happy me will just stupidly continue using it and the next thing i know, the bill sums up to more than a hundred. Better be safe than SORRY!! ='(

2009-05-11T11:15:00.002+08:00

Yea!! Woke up early today to watch the Amazing Race, same simulcast from the US!! Hohoho! So happy!! The siblings/lawyers team, Tammy and Victor WON the race!! Yea!! I love this team!!! Tammy is so pretty, I think she looks hot! And Victor looked great too!! =) and they are so smart! Yea! Way to go!!! They rocks!! IDOL!!!! =) =) =)

2009-05-07T22:48:00.002+08:00

Had a really long day today... And I'm so tired! But I can't sleep yet... Have to prepare for tmr's newsroom. Haiz! Didn't go drama today after sch, they are going to have their competition tmr! Hopefully this time round they can get a Gold With Honours and do PJ proud and also for CDS! We are no fucking loser CCA! So far all the nice Gold awards are claimed by us! The Chinese Drama!

Go CDS! Go get a gold or GWH back! Then you guys are on your way to perform at the Victoria Theatre!! Common Dream Shared!! =)

Somehow I kinda regret leaving CDS, but no choice, I've made that decision and it is too late to turn back now. The competition is tmr!! Haha! I miss the stage, I really do... Am no longer be able to be the centre of the limelight, no more full attention on me... Goodbye my beloved stage and drama, for good!! :"(

2009-05-06T23:32:00.004+08:00

I think when in a relationship, it is best not to think whether your opposite is good enough for you. No, don't ever think about that, it is going to be very unfair for both of you. Is he good enough for me? Am I good enough for him? It is going to make your relationship so miserable. Don't bother and doubt your feelings towards the opposite even if your family or friends say that he/she is not good enough for you. What do they know? They do not really know your opposite, hence they are not in a very fair position to give such a comment. And even if they are fit to, you yourself know your opposite the best and should trust them and not just listen to what others have to say about it. It is your own relationship, not their's... Besides, it is hard to say whether one is good enough for another. Good enough? What do they mean by good enough? They have a higher education qualification? Better income? Better family background? By the end of the day, you have to judge it yourself... And dun ever regret the choice that you have made... Else it is going to be really very unfair for both of you...