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Mei Qian =) 28th Feb 1990

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hmm... Went to read some of the previous entries I wrote ages ago, and was reminded of him, Chicken Little (CL)... Yes, was so crazy about him in the past. Really like him lots... Haha! Anyway, he has a nice and stable gf now, think they are now together for almost 2years now?? :)

On 5th feb, I wrote "saw him at the train station....." Ya, I always look forward to seeing him at the train station or at the Mcdonalds... At least that's the only few places that I could bump into him... But it seems that it's been more than a year since I last bumped into him.. The last time I saw him, he looked great!! :) hmm... And even till now, I still do hope that I will bump into him, at least I will know how's he is doing now... Why am I feeling like a bitch now? I should not be thinking bout him now... Haha! Anyway, he's just part of my memories that's all... and I just wanna refresh some of my memories... And I guess I won't get to see him around now? Maybe he has moved out of the neighbourhood, which explains why I didn't get to bump into him nowadays?

I always looked forward to he's call in the middle of the night...
I was so happy and over the moon when he waited for me to come back from Malaysia and asked me out for movie...
I cried the day that I found out he had a girlf...
I cried the day he entered army, and that marks the beginning of us slowly drifting apart....

I know, all these are memories, memories that I shall always keep in my heart and should never unpack it. In the end, what's the point of unpacking it, like now? To remind myself how I was being hurt by him and that I was an idiot in the past??

However, I no longer have the heartache feeling when I think of him, 'cause I know he is really the past. Besides, I think both of us have found the person that we both really love? Him, I'm not too sure. But just hope that he has! For me, I know and I'm sure that I have!!! :) CL shall always be my past tense and Boyf shall be my present and future tense!! =)


Pon school today, again... Damn! Was late for school, so decided not to attend. Went back home and slept for like 6hours. Feel so much better:) but thought I could sleep more... Then I could be happier!

Suddenly, I just lost motivation to study... Damn me! Should not have this type of attitude now! Especially when mid years is nearing soon. Honestly, I dunno... What's the point of studying so hard? To get into uni and find a better job in the future? And become a successful person and have a better future? But does being a successful person really matter?? What defines a successful person? Earning big bucks, taking up a high post in the company?? Then it's really boring and mundane... What if I don't want to be a successful person? Then does it means I need not study that hard?? Having too much achievements in life makes it harder to put everything down and leave this place, ain't it? It's hard to let go, especially when you know that you've achieved so much, so much things that you don't wanna let go and just cling on it eventhough you know that it's time for you to leave this place... By the end of the day, you still have to leave this place empty-handed and go meet your maker. So, why bother?? Why bother achieving so much when you are alive? To make others remember you, when you are gone??

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Went excercise with boyf ytd! Damn!! NMQ you sucks!! Your fitness sucks!!! I feel like a damn loser can?! Walked like 1round plus and ran 2rounds plus, which made up to 4 rounds!! I can't even do 5 proper sit-ups, crunches and lift up my legs! And worse!! I can't even do a good incline pull-up! Then there came 3 Fajar girls and I looked even more loser when I can't even do ONE incline in front of them! Damn LOSER to the MAX!! I'm really am an embarrassment to boyf! He's so fit, yet he got a very very unfit girlf!!!! Arg!! I shall try to make myself fitter from now onwards!!! Now now now!! Bernice! If you are reading this, do stop me whenver I wanna pon PE k??? Thanks!! :)

Then after that we went to play bball!! Which was so much better than those runnings and stuff!! I think my shooting has improved!! Mwahaha!!! Oh! I saw this small girl playing bball, and I felt damn loser again! She's very small size n her aiming is damn good and she can shoot from the 3pts area! Like WOW!!! Haiz... I should practise more shooting now then maybe I can say bye bye to my flabby arms?? Hahaha!! Think the last time I played bball with boyf was when we were just friends... Was trying to impress him and catch he's attention!! Hahaha! Damn bitch!! But at least my effort pays off!! He's MINE now!!!! Hahaha!!!!! >=)

Friday, April 17, 2009

Yeah!! Finally got a new blog skin!! =) But I'm such a loser, didn't really know how to create and design . Hence, have to "steal" other's... But who cares!! Anyway, this got ARCHIVES!!!!! Haha!! Read some of my old old entries. Damn!! Did many silly things in the past...

Anyway, had a heart-to-heart talk with boyf just now.. Hmm... everything's good! Think boyf been through many things, so maybe i should treat him better? But i doubt i can, just love being evil to him!! Heh heh!! Wanted to hug him, but damn! Don't really think it's very appropriate to like hug in public wearing school U... Else, PJ gonna have another complain by the member of public..

Yes!! Its gonna be weekend soon!! TGIF!! Haha!! Weekday SUCKS!!! School SUCKS!! Exam SUCKS!!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Hmm... After reading Keline Woo's blog, suddenly I feel so kiddish... It seems that all my friends are "grown up", except me... I'm such a loser to the max la!!! Clubbing, clubbing, clubbing!! It seems that most of them had went clubbing and stuffs, except me. Never try clubbing before, LOSER!!!! I'm still wearing my PJ uniform walking around... No life to the max!!! Why is it that everyone's enjoying life except me?? Hmm... Think it's hard for me to go clubbing or lepak with friends even after I've graduated... Got a damn curfew!! Dammit!!! Arg!!!!

At the woodlands polyclinic now, it's damn slow. Think nowadays many people are down with flu and cough. I'm not really very very sick, but maybe just wanna find an excuse to skip the SEA History test... Yes, A Levels are nearing, I should not be like that... But, just let this be the last time then...

Went to watch 'The sniper' with dad after seeing the doc... Dad went to see the doc too, then he suddenly wanna catch a movie, asked what good movies are screening now. Before I could answer back, he said he wanna watch The Sniper, said he's friends recommended it... Ok lo, shall watch whatever show daddy wants!! =) Besides, it's really been ages since Dad and I went for a movie together! Think our last movie together was The Mummy? Wow! It's really been ages!!! Anyway, both of us enjoyed the movie! Dad even smuggled koreng pisang or fried banana and hot milk tea into the cinema!! XD LOL!! Then once, he forgotten that he was in the cinema and he turned around and discussed the movie with me quite loudly... Haha!! Cute daddy!! I love him!! Told boyf that dad is more important than him, I didn't say that to make him jealous! It's true!! I love dad to the max!!! Though I always quarrelled with him, he's still the man I love most!!!! =)

Know Dad will never read my blog, but just wanna put down some of the thoughts I have... Dad! Please please please!!! Please do look after your health!! You are no longer young!! I want you to be my wedding witness!! So please keep your health in a good shape! You must sign my wedding certificate!! I want you to sign it and no one else!!! For you are the one who always sign my important documents!! And I want you to put on the veil for me!! =) and please be more thrifty!! Hmm, fancy a daughter saying that to her dad! LOL!! Anyway, I LOVE you, Dad!!! =)

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

God!! Why are you torturing me like this?? Why? Cause I don't believe in you? I still won't believe in you despite all these things that happened! So please? Can u just make things back to normal again?

Some people never change, do they? Despite learning their lesson the tough way, they still never learn!! I'm so damn disappointed in dad! A leopard never change it's spots!! He went back to he's old way again... Guess there's so need to hide it... It's the bloody credit card problem. He accumulated a bill of $6000++, yes, it might not be much, but it will then be credited to the previously accumulated sum of $80,000. Not a lot right?! Kick my ass! Like what the FUCK?!?!? It was like less than a year ago that he promised he will change. Thought we will be able to become happy family a few years later, after he clear the debts! But.. Fuck it! No! Maybe it's true, promises are meant to be broken! Is that a retribution for me? For breaking too many promises??

Why? Why bring me to this place in the first place, when you can't even support the family?? Just the 3 of us, and you still wanna create so many troubles and problems! I'm so sick of worrying for you all these years! Why can't you change for the sake of mum and I? You really should not brought me here in the first place! I thought a home should be warm and happy? But why is it I always experienced despair and disappointment? She should not have given birth to me in the first place... Maybe my life is cheap, I should have die in the womb or she should went for the abortion when she realized I'm a girl...

They said there will be sunshine after the rain, but why is it always rain after rain for me? Where's my sunshine??